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Is Optimism the Key to Your Happiness?

9/11/2017

1 Comment

 
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How optimistic are you? 
How many times have you heard that your perception is your reality?
Everything comes down to what we perceive and believe.

For some of us, it takes a little longer than others to understand that life doesn't have to control us.

We have within us choices and the most powerful one is the decision on how we perceive any given situation.


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Are you victim or victor?  Star or understudy?

Do you have abundance or always feel like you are coming up short?

Sometimes it can feel as though we are born with a predetermined set of skills or gifts, but it  is always your option to decide to develop what you were given and take your skills to the next level.


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Some of my clients say they weren't born confident as though they were genetically disadvantaged and unable to learn new skills or take a new direction and breakthrough their comfort zone.

I've not seen a newborn stand up, walk out of their mother’s womb and start directing the nurses on their next order of business.

I don’t know of any blood test that indicates what level of confidence that you were born with.

I have seen some amazing, beautiful and talented children, but those skills were developed in time with help from their loving and nurturing parents or support system.  Nurturing and coaching comes in many forms from many places, but first and foremost starts from within by how we perceive our situation.

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We can make excuses and feel we've somehow have not been given the same opportunities as other people and keep wondering why.

But In the end, everything comes down to our choices and what we believe and perceive.

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We get caught up in our everyday lives, forget to count our blessings, see the good in our lives and put things in perspective.

So many of us see nothing but catastrophes, defining our lives by our dramas and difficulties instead of rewiring our thought processes to see the good and the gifts.

We are all complicated and sensitive creatures and sometimes life's knocks and losses take more time to heal than we anticipated.

Is it time to take a check of your day.

Do you want happiness? Then view your emotions as you would your money.

Just as a reasonable person would be sure to keep an eye on what's going in and out of their bank accounts and monitor their spending accordingly, then you should also be monitoring your daily thoughts and feelings.
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To help you focus each day, write down these three things:

1)How do you feel today?
2)What were the events of your day?
3)What is the link between what happened and how you felt?

 
By monitoring what it is that triggers down moods or lights up good ones you can manage your happiness levels and have greater understanding of where to improve and manage your well-being.
This is the first step in recreating your life and your happiness.

If you are still struggling and would like more information on how we can work together to help you build your confidence, schedule a 30- minute Sunny Life Coach Trial session TODAY!

1 Comment

The big family secret...one woman's successful journey to overcome destructive family programming...

8/1/2017

2 Comments

 
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Our Initial Meeting…
Was there one defining moment that made you finally see the truth?  What did you do when you realized your family was not what you thought?
These were some of the questions I asked one of my favorite clients as she told me her story.  I can still picture her face as the tears welled up in her eyes.
The Subtle Programming… 
When you read her story, you may say that it seems so obvious, but when you grow up in a family that considers it "normal," it's not so easy to see. It was very subtle.

She was programmed by her mother, for as long as she could remember, that it was OK for her to do and give more while other family members do and give less.  As she began to tell her story, I could see how difficult it was for her in some ways and liberating in others.
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The Narcissistic Mother…
She always had a soft spot for the family.  In hindsight, she could now see that her mother was a narcissist who was very divisive.
Her mother was very successful at keeping the world revolving around herself by subtly pitting her children against each other.  She knew all the right buttons to push.
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The Self- Questioning…
My client started by asking me "Did you ever work so hard to be the best you can be or really just what you believed to be "good enough," only to have people who weren't willing to do the same hard work be undermining and jealous?
She went on to say, did you ever work so hard that you didn't have the time or didn't think to take the time to look up and see what was really going on around you? 
Things That Didn’t Add Up…
As everyone became adults, things were still out of balance. 
She never forgot their special occasions, but most of them couldn’t pick up the phone for five minutes a year to see how she was doing or wish her a happy birthday.  Then there were the invitations to gatherings that usually came only when a present would be expected.
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This behavior continued because her mother subtly reinforced that she was a little stronger and a little smarter, they were “family” or they just needed some help.
She learned to expect and accept less from them and allowed them to take advantage of her.
She admitted she had her faults but not being generous with her heart and her resources were not among them.
As Things Start to Be Revealed…
She kept believing these lies until one day, her dad became terminally ill.  When she lost her dad, she knew her life was forever changed.  She thought it was only because it was such a big loss to her. She loved him dearly, cared for him when he was sick and he passed away in her arms.
She had no idea all the "little things” that would keep unraveling.
The Defining Moment…
It took many years and many disappointments to finally see the truth.
She was downsized from her job.  It was a stressful time.  She looked to see who was there to help her, what a big surprise when she realized she was in this alone.
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The Plan…
We worked together to assess her situation and create a step by step solid, realistic plan to move forward.   We worked together to help keep her on track and accountable to achieve her goals.   She was truly a rock star!  Not only did she achieve her goals and survive, but eventually thrive. 

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New Beginnings…
Out of such great loss came great realizations.  This was the beginning of her new life.

The blinders were finally off.

She now knew her true value and her ability to accomplish anything she put her mind to.

She no longer makes excuses for others.

Once you see the truth in one thing, you can't help but see the truth in everything.


For more information on how we can work together to help you create your plan, schedule you 30 - minute Sunny Life Coach Trial Coaching session TODAY!

2 Comments

Is People Pleasing Making You Unhappy?

7/14/2017

0 Comments

 
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Do you want so much to fit in that you agree with everyone on every issue?

Do you try so much not to stand out that you blend into the wallpaper?

Is that really where you want to be? 

Welcome to the world of the “People Pleasers.”
A place where everyone's happy EXCEPT you.

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Why is everyone happy but you?

Secretly you’re angry, frustrated, miserable and isolated? 

Why is it that people don't understand your needs when you are constantly looking after theirs? 

Take note, people pleasing can be hazardous to your well-being.

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Are you a People Pleaser?



Take this test:
  • Do you worry excessively about what people think of you?
  • Would you rather stay silent and "go with the flow" than say what you really want?
  • Do you sometimes feel depressed, misunderstood, resentful or powerless in situations which deep down you know are of your own making?
  • Do other people seem to be having more fun than you?
  • Do you beat yourself up wishing you'd said and done something ages ago which you can't get out of your head now?
  • Do you tolerate other people’s bad behavior in order to “keep peace?” 

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On the surface you seem peaceful and easy-going. The kind of friendly person we can rely on to pick us up from the airport at midnight, plan our birthday parties, babysit our homes and animals and call for all our little favors.
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But beneath that calm and peaceful exterior there's someone a little more edgy.  Someone who is plagued with self-doubt, who is living in fear, feels suppressed, feels isolated and alone and who doesn't like themselves very much at all, despite their "nice guy" persona.  You certainly aren't your own best friend.


Given that you say or do the "right thing" to please others, is it any wonder then that most people don't really know you? 
Sadly, it is common for “People Pleasers” to harbor the destructive belief that deep down they are not good enough, that they may be unlikable or worst still, feel unlovable...or do you have other reasons for keeping peace like some complicated family dynamic? 
Whatever your reason is, it’s no wonder your over-compensating seems a good way to cover up this devastating and entirely unfounded fear.

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Have you ever played down a success of yours in order to not offend or to be "liked"? 
You know deep down that diminishing your own accomplishments
to make other people’s lack of success more comfortable to them is not good for anyone and it’s so exhausting!
 

As one of my clients said recently, “people pleasing” on many levels is “dishonest" and of course it will have consequences.  Relationships which are hard to get off the ground in the first place will always be built on the misconception that you are someone else.  How can that work for anyone?
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Here are some thoughts to start considering -
Stop trying to please others and start trying to please YOURSELF:
  • You are not telling the truth to people when you say you like one thing but believe another
  • People Pleasers can become anything or anybody but themselves
  • When you suppress your feelings you create low self-esteem and your confidence dips
  • Short term posturing creates long term pain
  • People who do speak up are respected and given greater leeway
  • Speaking your truth quietly will allow more quality to come into your life
  • Your integrity is never in question when you are being REAL with yourself and others
  • Habitually attracting "users" & “abusers” as friends & partners is not healthy no matter how you spin it.
  • You pay a very high personal price when you ‘keep peace” at all costs for whatever reason
 It's OK to be you.

Enjoy yourself.  Others who share your interests will follow.

The opposite of being a People Pleaser isn't being an arrogant bully.   

Rest assured, you will never reach this status.  Aim for quietly assertive.

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Ask yourself:
  • What am I really scared about people knowing about me?
  • How would my life be different if being me was enough, at all times and in all ways?
  • What will the consequences be if I don't express my needs/opinions?
  • Does it matter that I can't please all of the people all of the time and should I bother?
  • What is the real pay-off for staying stuck this way?
  • What's the cost of needing to be liked?

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Being the “authentic” you in all relationships, honors who you are and keeps your integrity in tact -  your needs and emotions will make you more not less attractive to others.  You owe it to yourself to step up and show the world who you truly are.

When you do, you'll find you'll develop a fan club that want to honor and please YOU!
How great would that be?
If you are still struggling, SCHEDULE A 30-minute Sunny Life Coach Trial session and see how you can stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself!
onlin life coach
0 Comments

How Lucky Do You Feel?

2/10/2016

1 Comment

 
​How Lucky Do You Feel?

Are you feeling lucky?  Perhaps you're having a "don't ask" sort of day?  Why is it, you wonder, that some people are given great big buckets from which to dip into the river of wealth and happiness while you were handed a teaspoon with a hole in it?  If there is a silver lining to every cloud, why are you the only one who just sees it as the start of a hurricane brewing?

If your toast always crashes to the floor butter-side down and it's not that the glass is half empty but you got a little “black cloud” over your head, then it may be high time for you to re-tune your attitude.

As coaches we often say that what we focus on expands.  Ladies who have a battle with the morning mirror while dressing will know all too well what we’re talking about.    Bottoms appear larger and tummies jiggle.  All our best features are obliterated by our absorption of what we perceive as imperfect.  Before you know it our bottoms and bellies have eclipsed out the sun.

 When we focus and concentrate on what we see as the negative in ourselves, our lives or our current situation, it becomes magnified.  It just gets bigger, all consuming and negatively dominates our perspective.   We feel low and depressed, victimized and frustrated with our situation and our lives.  "Why me?" becomes our moaning mantra and we shrug our cynical shrug, narrow our eyes at all those for whom life is "easy" and shuffle through our days in our gloom and doom mentality.  We continue to focus on each and every negative occurrence in our lives as to reinforce and convince ourselves that nothing good will every happen.
 
It has to be said that there is something annoying about Pollyanna people who always look on the bright side.  They can get on my nerves too!   However, if your natural default position is one of pessimism and bad luck, love and life on easy street is something that happens to other people, you are living a diminished life built on fear.

Everyone gets the blues.

Here are some self-coaching questions to get you from Life is no fun to Life's Good.
  • Remember you always have a choice of how to look at a situation.  What would happen if you deliberately sought the good in it?
  • What is it costing you to see the glass half empty?
  • Is there a hidden payoff for you to be cynical, doubting, negative and gloomy?
  • What do you need to let go of to believe something better is coming to you?
  • What do you have to trust in?
  • Finish this sentence:  "When life is hard I can choose to...."
 

Still struggling, schedule a 30-minute Trial Sunny Life Coaching session TODAY!
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    Author

    Kathleen Tucka is an accomplished award winning  Life, Career, Business Coach and Personal Advocate. 

    ​Having worked over twenty years in the corporate world managing successful businesses and coaching her teams to achieve their goals, she now works in her private practice coaching individuals to successfully create their plans and achieve their goals.  She is passionate about enjoying her life which includes traveling the world learning new things.

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  • About
    • Meet Your Coach Kathleen
    • Testimonials
    • Why Work With Kathleen
    • FAQ's
  • Career & Business Services
    • Small Business Brainstorming & Accountability Session
    • Key Staff Development for Small/Medium Businesses
    • Business Services >
      • Business Service Fees
    • Career Services
  • Coaching Services
    • How I Work
    • Can A Personal Life Coach Help Me?
    • Custom Coaching Program Fees
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