Why Your Overserving Is Causing Your Own Resentment?

Have you ever wondered why you overserve or over give?
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​Does your overserving cause your own resentment?

As a life coach, I've been reflecting on the topic of why people overserve others to the point of their own resentment, and I've observed several underlying reasons that contribute to this behavior.

Do you see yourself in any of these scenarios?

One common reason is the innate desire to please others. From a young age, we're taught that being kind, generous, and helpful are virtues to aspire to.

We're praised for putting others' needs before our own and often equate our self-worth with our ability to serve. As a result, we may feel compelled to go above and beyond, even at the expense of our own happiness.

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Furthermore, societal expectations seem to play a significant role in shaping our behavior. We're bombarded with messages that glorify self-sacrifice and martyrdom, portraying them as noble and admirable traits.

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We're conditioned to believe that saying "yes" to every request is the key to being liked, respected, and accepted. Consequently, we may fear the consequences of setting boundaries or saying "no," fearing judgment or rejection from those around us.
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Another factor that may be contributing to overserving is the fear of confrontation. Many of us avoid conflict at all costs, preferring to keep the peace rather than risk upsetting others.

This fear can drive us to comply with unreasonable demands or tolerate behavior that undermines our well-being, simply to avoid potential conflict or confrontation.

​Moreover, some individuals overserve as a way to seek validation or approval from others. By constantly catering to their needs and desires, we hope to earn their praise, gratitude, or love.

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​However, this external validation is fleeting and often leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled in the long run.

In my experience, a lack of self-awareness and self-care is another prevalent reason for overserving.

Many individuals prioritize the needs of others to such an extent that they neglect to check in with themselves regularly. This lack of introspection can lead to burnout and resentment over time, as they continue to give without replenishing their own energy and resources.

Additionally, societal norms often glorify busyness and productivity, perpetuating the myth that our worth is tied to our productivity levels. As a result, individuals may feel pressure to constantly be on the go, saying "yes" to every opportunity or request that comes their way.

However, this relentless pursuit of productivity can come at the expense of our mental and emotional well-being, leaving us feeling depleted and resentful.

Some individuals also overserve as a way to avoid confronting their own issues or emotions.

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​By focusing on the needs of others, they can distract themselves from their own insecurities, fears, or unresolved traumas.
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However, this avoidance strategy is unsustainable in the long run and can lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness over time.

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Lastly, the fear of disappointing others can drive people to overserve. Whether it's fear of letting down family members, friends, or colleagues, the desire to avoid disappointment or disapproval can compel individuals to go above and beyond what is reasonable or sustainable.

However, it's essential to recognize that setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care is not selfish—it's an act of self-respect and preservation.

To sum it up, from what I have observed, the tendency to overserve others to the point of your own resentment is a multifaceted issue influenced by a variety of internal and external factors.

By cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-care, and setting healthy boundaries, we can break free from this cycle and reclaim our autonomy and happiness.

Remember, you deserve to prioritize your own well-being and happiness—don't let the fear of disappointing others hold you back from living a fulfilling and balanced life.

If you are still struggling with overserving others, prioritizing your self-care and creating healthy boundaries, schedule your Sunny Life  "Experience Coaching" Session. We will explore the possibilities!

Together,  we will make this happen!

​Wishing you a Sunny Life!
Kathleen
 
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