Do you want so much to fit in that you agree with everyone on every issue?
Do you try so much not to stand out that you blend into the wallpaper?
Is that really where you want to be?
Welcome to the world of the “People Pleasers.”
A place where everyone's happy EXCEPT you.
Why is everyone happy but you?
Secretly you’re angry, frustrated, miserable and isolated?
Why is it that people don't understand your needs when you are constantly looking after theirs?
Take note, people pleasing can be hazardous to your well-being.
Are you a People Pleaser?
Take this test:
On the surface you seem peaceful and easy-going. The kind of friendly person we can rely on to pick us up from the airport at midnight, plan our birthday parties, babysit our homes and animals and call for all our little favors.
But beneath that calm and peaceful exterior there's someone a little more edgy. Someone who is plagued with self-doubt, who is living in fear, feels suppressed, feels isolated and alone and who doesn't like themselves very much at all, despite their "nice guy" persona. You certainly aren't your own best friend.
Given that you say or do the "right thing" to please others, is it any wonder then that most people don't really know you?
Sadly, it is common for “People Pleasers” to harbor the destructive belief that deep down they are not good enough, that they may be unlikable or worst still, feel unlovable...or do you have other reasons for keeping peace like some complicated family dynamic?
Whatever your reason is, it’s no wonder your over-compensating seems a good way to cover up this devastating and entirely unfounded fear.
Have you ever played down a success of yours in order to not offend or to be "liked"?
You know deep down that diminishing your own accomplishments
to make other people’s lack of success more comfortable to them is not good for anyone and it’s so exhausting!
Here are some thoughts to start considering -
Stop trying to please others and start trying to please YOURSELF:
It's OK to be you.
Enjoy yourself. Others who share your interests will follow.
The opposite of being a People Pleaser isn't being an arrogant bully.
Rest assured, you will never reach this status. Aim for quietly assertive.
Being the “authentic” you in all relationships, honors who you are and keeps your integrity in tact - your needs and emotions will make you more not less attractive to others. You owe it to yourself to step up and show the world who you truly are.
When you do, you'll find you'll develop a fan club that want to honor and please YOU!
How great would that be?
If you are still struggling, Book my FREE 30-minute Sunny Life Coaching session and see how you can stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself!
Kathleen Tucka is an accomplished award winning Life, Career, Business Coach and Personal Advocate.