Is People Pleasing Making You Unhappy?

Do you want so much to fit in that you agree with everyone on every issue?

Do you try so much not to stand out that you blend into the wallpaper?

Is that really where you want to be? 

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Welcome to the world of the “People Pleasers.”
A place where everyone's happy EXCEPT you.

Why is everyone happy but you?

Secretly you’re angry, frustrated, miserable and isolated? 

Why is it that people don't understand your needs when you are constantly looking after theirs? 

Take note, people pleasing can be hazardous to your well-being.

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Are you a People Pleaser?



Take this test:

• Do you worry excessively about what people think of you?
• Would you rather stay silent and "go with the flow" than say what you really want?
• Do you sometimes feel depressed, misunderstood, resentful or powerless in situations which deep down you know are of your own making?
• Do other people seem to be having more fun than you?
• Do you beat yourself up wishing you'd said and done something ages ago which you can't get out of your head now?
• Do you tolerate other people’s bad behavior in order to “keep peace?” 

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On the surface you seem peaceful and easy-going. The kind of friendly person we can rely on to pick us up from the airport at midnight, plan our birthday parties, babysit our homes and animals and call for all our little favors.
 

But beneath that calm and peaceful exterior there's someone a little more edgy.  Someone who is plagued with self-doubt, who is living in fear, feels suppressed, feels isolated and alone and who doesn't like themselves very much at all, despite their "nice guy" persona.  You certainly aren't your own best friend.


Given that you say or do the "right thing" to please others, is it any wonder then that most people don't really know you? 
Sadly, it is common for “People Pleasers” to harbor the destructive belief that deep down they are not good enough, that they may be unlikable or worst still, feel unlovable...or do you have other reasons for keeping peace like some complicated family dynamic? 
Whatever your reason is, it’s no wonder your over-compensating seems a good way to cover up this devastating and entirely unfounded fear.

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Have you ever played down a success of yours in order to not offend or to be "liked"? 
You know deep down that diminishing your own accomplishments
to make other people’s lack of success more comfortable to them is not good for anyone and it’s so exhausting!
 

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As one of my clients said recently, “people pleasing” on many levels is “dishonest" and of course it will have consequences.  Relationships which are hard to get off the ground in the first place will always be built on the misconception that you are someone else.  How can that work for anyone?

Here are some thoughts to start considering -
Stop trying to please others and start trying to please YOURSELF:

• You are not telling the truth to people when you say you like one thing but believe another
• People Pleasers can become anything or anybody but themselves
• When you suppress your feelings you create low self-esteem and your confidence dips
• Short term posturing creates long term pain
• People who do speak up are respected and given greater leeway
• Speaking your truth quietly will allow more quality to come into your life
• Your integrity is never in question when you are being REAL with yourself and others
• Habitually attracting "users" & “abusers” as friends & partners is not healthy no matter how you spin it.
• You pay a very high personal price when you ‘keep peace” at all costs for whatever reason

 It's OK to be you.

Enjoy yourself.  Others who share your interests will follow.

The opposite of being a People Pleaser isn't being an arrogant bully.   

Rest assured, you will never reach this status.  Aim for quietly assertive.

Ask yourself:

• What am I really scared about people knowing about me?
• How would my life be different if being me was enough, at all times and in all ways?
• What will the consequences be if I don't express my needs/opinions?
• Does it matter that I can't please all of the people all of the time and should I bother?
• What is the real pay-off for staying stuck this way?
• What's the cost of needing to be liked?

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Being the “authentic” you in all relationships, honors who you are and keeps your integrity in tact -  your needs and emotions will make you more not less attractive to others.  You owe it to yourself to step up and show the world who you truly are.

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When you do, you'll find you'll develop a fan club that want to honor and please YOU!
How great would that be?

If you are still struggling,
Contact Kathleen @ info@sunnylifecoach.com
phone 908-319-0050
​www.sunnylifecoach.com
Online Life Coach - working with clients NYC, NJ, PA & throughout the USA and beyond...
​​www.sunnylifecoach.com/online-life-coaching.html
 
 
 

About the author Kathleen Tucka
Kathleen Tucka is an award winning Life, Career and Business Coach.  Having worked over twenty years in the corporate world managing successful businesses and coaching her teams to achieve their goals, she now works in her private practice coaching individuals to successfully create their plans and achieve their goals. She is passionate about enjoying her life which includes traveling the world learning new things every day!
Website: www.sunnylifecoach.com
email: info@sunnlifecoach.com
Find her on Facebook “Kathleen Tucka Sunny Life Coach"

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