The big family secret...one woman's successful journey to overcome destructive family programming...

Our Initial Meeting…
Was there one defining moment that made you finally see the truth?  What did you do when you realized your family was not what you thought?
These were some of the questions I asked one of my favorite clients as she told me her story.  I can still picture her face as the tears welled up in her eyes.

The Subtle Programming… 
When you read her story, you may say that it seems so obvious, but when you grow up in a family that considers it "normal," it's not so easy to see. It was very subtle.

She was programmed by her mother, for as long as she could remember, that it was OK for her to do and give more while other family members do and give less.  As she began to tell her story, I could see how difficult it was for her in some ways and liberating in others.

The Narcissistic Mother…
She always had a soft spot for the family.  In hindsight, she could now see that her mother was a narcissist who was very divisive.
Her mother was very successful at keeping the world revolving around herself by subtly pitting her children against each other.  She knew all the right buttons to push.

The Self- Questioning…
My client started by asking me "Did you ever work so hard to be the best you can be or really just what you believed to be "good enough," only to have people who weren't willing to do the same hard work be undermining and jealous?
She went on to say, did you ever work so hard that you didn't have the time or didn't think to take the time to look up and see what was really going on around you? 

Things That Didn’t Add Up…
As everyone became adults, things were still out of balance. 
She never forgot their special occasions, but most of them couldn’t pick up the phone for five minutes a year to see how she was doing or wish her a happy birthday.  Then there were the invitations to gatherings that usually came only when a present would be expected.

This behavior continued because her mother subtly reinforced that she was a little stronger and a little smarter, they were “family” or they just needed some help.
She learned to expect and accept less from them and allowed them to take advantage of her.
She admitted she had her faults but not being generous with her heart and her resources were not among them.

As Things Start to Be Revealed…
She kept believing these lies until one day, her dad became terminally ill.  When she lost her dad, she knew her life was forever changed.  She thought it was only because it was such a big loss to her. She loved him dearly, cared for him when he was sick and he passed away in her arms.
She had no idea all the "little things” that would keep unraveling.

The Defining Moment…
It took many years and many disappointments to finally see the truth.
She was downsized from her job.  It was a stressful time.  She looked to see who was there to help her, what a big surprise when she realized she was in this alone.

The Plan…
We worked together to assess her situation and create a step by step solid, realistic plan to move forward.   We worked together to help keep her on track and accountable to achieve her goals.   She was truly a rock star!  Not only did she achieve her goals and survive, but eventually thrive. 

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New Beginnings…
Out of such great loss came great realizations.  This was the beginning of her new life.

The blinders were finally off.

She now knew her true value and her ability to accomplish anything she put her mind to.

She no longer makes excuses for others.

Once you see the truth in one thing, you can't help but see the truth in everything.

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For more information on how we can work together to help you create your plan,
contact Kathleen @ 908-319-0050
 email @ info@sunnylifecoach.com
 www.sunnylifecoach.com.

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About the author Kathleen Tucka
Kathleen Tucka is an accomplished award winning Life, Career & Business Coach, Personal Advocate & Entrepreneur.  Having worked over twenty years in the corporate world managing successful businesses and coaching her teams to achieve their goals, she now works in her private practice coaching individuals to successfully create their plans and achieve their goals.  She is passionate about enjoying her life which includes traveling the world learning new things every day!
Find her & "like" her on Facebook “Kathleen Tucka Sunny Life Coach”
More blog posts www.sunnylifecoach.com/blog

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