Is it time to start learning to live minimally?
While we look to liberate and streamline our lives, we often end up getting in our own way.
We all want to upgrade our lives continuously with the latest and greatest gadgets, but where do we put them?
Do you have a huge home with a large basement and garage to store all your treasured "finds?"
For most of us our homes are full of half-finished projects and good intentions, such as that rarely-used treadmill that you now use as a extended closet and the latest and greatest self-help books that sit half-read.
Does this look like your home?
And then there are the countless things infused with memories and guilt, that we hang on to for emotional reasons.
We can inherit clutter, such as an assortment of “treasured family objects” that are passed on through the generations, turning us into some kind of emotional warehouse where we become the guardians of family memories, which end up owning us.
If you looked in most people’s homes, they would reveal mountains of chain store merchandise that even charity shops are reluctant to take, as anyone who has ever had to clean out the home of an elderly relative will agree.
Having too much stuff to deal with can make it difficult to focus on anything. It can make you feel tired when you walk into a room and cause anxiety when we lose or can’t locate things easily.
It induces feelings of guilt about overspending on things we don’t need or use, and a general feeling of being overwhelmed.
These are just a few examples of how clutter can affect our lives and our health.
Sometimes we feel insecure and think we need “treats” is one explanation, another is the sense that we can’t throw something away in case it might be needed– even if it has sat there, unused forever and forever.
We should all learn to travel a little lighter, to treasure our relationships and our life, and not things, unless that "thing" sparks joy in your heart.
If you are still struggling, schedule your 30-minutes Trial Sunny Life Coaching session and see how you could live lighter.
Yes, procrastination and avoidance. It can’t just be me who has the same tasks not done and people not responded to which appear on the list every day? Sometimes for weeks. Then these people not answered and the tasks left undone develop their own sort of dread power that can make cleaning the lint out of your dryer or scrubbing your trash can look like a desirable distraction.
I’m more interested in a “To Be” List.
Getting clear on why you are doing what you are doing and where do you want it to take you is a far more meaningful exercise.
What if the present was perfect and doing less gave you more?
What if we didn’t fill the void with actions and developed a soulful relaxed approach to life?
One friend who was working a full time job with overtime, developing her own business, renovating her home, managing the contractors, and trying to keep her life on track said, “I even rush when I speak like racing to the full stop!”. She was in such a chronic state of exhaustion both mentally and physically, she couldn't think straight and kept wonder why getting things done seemed much more difficult than it should have been.
Stop the To-Do List
...or just make it the top 3 priorities you do first thing in the morning that you know will help you make progress.
Here are some “Coaching Tips” to help you focus on how “To-Be” and be happy:
1)Let go of past slights. People do hurt us and it’s our responsibility to process it and let it go or it can become a vengeful item on your “to-do” list!
2)Build in a reward into every 90 minutes and notice how you feel and the joy it brings - A good cup of coffee or your favorite tea, eating what you believe to be healthy or not, feeling the wind on your face, noticing the change of season. It’s all about mindful noticing.
3)If you are feeling overwhelmed learn to say “NO”. No justification nor explanation is needed. No is a complete sentence.
4) Drop perfectionism. You are MORE than good enough.
5) Learn the art of day dreaming. Let your subconscious show you the way.
If you are still struggling, schedule your 30-minute Trial Sunny Life Coaching session and see how you could seriously upgrade your life!
Patience vs. Procrastination...
Which is it for you?
Sadly, there is no magic wand…
but there is magic...
Wasting years of my life in a “holding pattern” believing it would somehow work itself out if I could just work harder. I waited for my world to change, but it wasn’t about working harder, it was about working smarter with a focus.
I can't tell you how many times I questioned why things weren’t just magically happening and kept pushing myself harder thinking I needed to do more.
That was until I decided to change my approach.
When I quit waiting for life to deliver and focused on my plan, the wonderful things I dreamed of eventually came to me.
...and the definition of luck?
It's when preparedness meets opportunity.
Here are some "coaching" questions to get you started:
Something else to think about…
Enjoy and be grateful for each day and never ever give up!
If you are still struggling,
Schedule your 30-minute Trial Sunny Life Coaching session.
Why You Should You Be Your Own Best Friend...
Everyone does something that makes them feel good about themselves.
We have been programmed to believe that there is something immodest as well as a bit desperate, about "being your own best friend" for it seems to suggest not so much that you really love yourself but that no one else does.
It only gets worse from there. We are not only so bad at being good to ourselves, we can also be overcritical of ourselves. When we truly love someone in our lives, we will recognize and reward them for their achievements. When it comes to us, we not only don’t reward ourselves, we can punish ourselves or self-sabotage our future success.
I have news for you. There is a middle ground between self-loving and self-loathing and it is not indifference. It is about doing things that feel pretty good in the short term and very good long term.
Feeling good about yourself is not one size fits all. There are things everyone can do, even if you're not your own best friend, at least you can feel pretty good about yourself and some of the things that you have accomplished.
Here is the “How To” of being your own “Best Friend”:
Learning to be your own “best friend” and advocate only sets you up for success.
It is the best foundation for launching all your dreams.
Here are some “coaching” questions to get you started:
If you are still struggling?
Schedule your 30-minute Trial Sunny Life Coaching session.
Are you a perfectionist?
Does that cause you to delay any decisions because you want everything just perfect?
At some point everyone will need to make at least one decision and then the next decision based on the outcome of the first decision. But if you are stuck you don’t make any decisions, this is where the challenge lies.
But when you are crippled by procrastination and indecision you may find that life passes you by as you ponder away the years.
You are not alone. I have coached many people of all ages, who are beginning to find some satisfaction in claiming their life and making their own decisions and choices.
If you are still struggling, schedule your 30 minute Trial Sunny Life Coaching session to understand how Sunny Life Coaching can help guide you in making decisions that are the best for you.
"Practice random acts of kindness” is the mantra of current times. Buy a coffee or pay a road toll for the person behind you in the line and “pay forward the kindness” you received from someone else sort of thing.
Has it come to you yet? Like all fads or trends, they can quickly fade away and become meaningless.
Being kind is something that never goes out of date but the whole idea of compassion and gentleness seems obsolete when it comes to applying it to ourselves.
Sometimes our inner dialogue is so nagging and critical it becomes a type of mental torture that we easily become convinced of.
Some of the inner dialogue we hear are: “You’re not good enough," “You’re not good at anything”, "Why couldn’t I handle that situation better?" "Why do I let them get to me?" "I'm not smart enough." "I don’t deserve good things"…and the list goes on. I’m sure you can add your own.
We are always tougher on ourselves, but if we had seen someone else treated like this we would be calling the police or social service to intervene.
We need to STOP! The random acts of kindness need to START with OURSELVES FIRST!
Let’s be clear on what our self- kindness really means to us.
It’s not being narcissistic and self centered. It is not going on an unlimited shopping spree or eating, drinking and other out of control behavior because “I deserve it.” That type of behavior is destructive and is just a short-term fix for bigger emotional needs
Being kind is giving yourself a break to take the time to understand what YOU need.
It is taking a moment to ask yourself “how do I feel about this?” and giving consideration to the things that are causing exhaustion, anxiety or emotional pain.
Being kind to yourself is saying “no” even if it means you putting your needs above someone else's expectations. It’s being gentle as you try new things – a diet, an exercise program, a new hobby or managing your health issues and giving yourself time to adjust, ease into it and eventually succeed at it. It’s being patient with yourself.
It’s remembering you are not just the culmination of your disappointments, regrets, sadness and let downs but also the total of your successes, brilliance and overall triumphs”.
Getting to know yourself means you can gently make the right decisions to benefit and enhance the quality of your life and the people you love around you as well.
It means making choices to support and nurture yourself to triumph over resentment, exhaustion and bad choices.
Checking in with where you are feeling pain in the body and deciding not to put up with or live with it also helps.
Do some people make you tense, uneasy, on edge or stressed out just at hearing their name?
Think about those who make you feel diminished and invisible or who don’t show interest in you or listen when you speak, then limit time with them or move away entirely from their company.
Take a look at the people who claim that they are here for you and profess that they will do anything for you until they actually have to step up and do something to help you.
Do you really need and want these people in your life?
For your own sake, forgive those who have hurt you. Don’t be carrying around the weight of the pain that they caused you.
Let it go, put it down and grant yourself freedom.
Being kind means not being taken for granted. It means listening to your needs and fulfilling them in a nourishing healthy way.
It’s having a community of people who “get” you! It is feeling good about yourself and your relationships.
It is not feeling used and not comparing yourself unfavorably to others.
I urge you to stop and make a concerted effort to become more aware of your needs.
As you become more aware, nurture yourself with kindness first. Find joy and gratitude in the day to day. Forgive yourself your own perceived weaknesses and disappointments. Make friends with YOU and learn to like what you see.
In doing so you not only make your life better, but you also improve the world around you too. You will make way for a future of surprises, happiness, blessings and everyday miracles.
Are you ready to start being kind to yourself?
Why not schedule a 30-minute Sunny Life Coach Trial Coaching Session to help get you started?
Perhaps you've already got there and are living the dream, having the life and being the “YOU” you always wanted to be. We wish you all the best.
Is achievement and happiness still not enough for you? What is your next mountain to climb?
Not there yet?
What do you mean you had big plans but "Life" got in the way? What's that you say? You're not sure what you want. This only means you will definitely not know when you have gotten there.
If you have made some progress but are permanently stuck and not sure if you are living your dream or how you even got there- it's OK, you've come to the right place.
As children we have mighty big dreams for ourselves.
We confidently say - "Oh I'm going to be an astronaut, president or invent something grand ..." and shrug as though it were a given.
Job done. So be it.
Then life delivers knock-downs, disappointments, rejections, heart ache and woe.
Our little umbrellas of hope get battered and torn as the storms of life take their toll and it seems easier to retreat than forge on.
We've all been there. Yes, all of us; even the really successful, happy and contented folk.
And here's the bottom line -
It's how you choose to deal with all of those set-backs and hardships that is the key to becoming all you ever wanted to be.
Our perception of the world can create "can-do" or "can't ever do" attitudes. It can make us feel like victors as well as victims, millionaires or paupers. Our beliefs and perceptions can trip us up, keep us down, enable us to climb the highest mountain or stay stuck in the corner sulking and sucking our thumbs.
One of the first casualties of negative perceptions is a serious downturn in confidence. Fear grabs us and keeps us stuck in excuses, pain and indecision. We start to question ourselves as our internal critic acts like a weight on our dreams and actions.
In coaching clients who say their lack of confidence is holding them back it's important from the start to establish what being confident means.
It doesn't mean being a bragging, loud bore that people would clear a bar in 30 seconds. Why not aim for quietly assertive?
Here are a few coaching questions to help you take a step nearer who you want to be:
It's the small twists and tweaks in our thinking that can have the most momentous and long lasting results.
What could you do today to take one step closer to being who you always wished you could be?
If you are still struggling and would like to seriously improve your confidence,
Schedule a 30-minute Trial Sunny Life Coaching Session.
Are you victim or victor? Star or understudy?
Do you have abundance or always feel like you are coming up short?
Sometimes it can feel as though we are born with a predetermined set of skills or gifts, but it is always your option to decide to develop what you were given and take your skills to the next level.
Some of my clients say they weren't born confident as though they were genetically disadvantaged and unable to learn new skills or take a new direction and breakthrough their comfort zone.
I've not seen a newborn stand up, walk out of their mother’s womb and start directing the nurses on their next order of business.
I don’t know of any blood test that indicates what level of confidence that you were born with.
I have seen some amazing, beautiful and talented children, but those skills were developed in time with help from their loving and nurturing parents or support system. Nurturing and coaching comes in many forms from many places, but first and foremost starts from within by how we perceive our situation.
We can make excuses and feel we've somehow have not been given the same opportunities as other people and keep wondering why.
But In the end, everything comes down to our choices and what we believe and perceive.
We get caught up in our everyday lives, forget to count our blessings, see the good in our lives and put things in perspective.
So many of us see nothing but catastrophes, defining our lives by our dramas and difficulties instead of rewiring our thought processes to see the good and the gifts.
We are all complicated and sensitive creatures and sometimes life's knocks and losses take more time to heal than we anticipated.
Is it time to take a check of your day.
This is the first step in recreating your life and your happiness.
If you are still struggling and would like more information on how we can work together to help you build your confidence, schedule a 30- minute Sunny Life Coach Trial session TODAY!
The big family secret...one woman's successful journey to overcome destructive family programming...
Our Initial Meeting…
Was there one defining moment that made you finally see the truth? What did you do when you realized your family was not what you thought?
These were some of the questions I asked one of my favorite clients as she told me her story. I can still picture her face as the tears welled up in her eyes.
The Narcissistic Mother…
She always had a soft spot for the family. In hindsight, she could now see that her mother was a narcissist who was very divisive.
Her mother was very successful at keeping the world revolving around herself by subtly pitting her children against each other. She knew all the right buttons to push.
Things That Didn’t Add Up…
As everyone became adults, things were still out of balance.
She never forgot their special occasions, but most of them couldn’t pick up the phone for five minutes a year to see how she was doing or wish her a happy birthday. Then there were the invitations to gatherings that usually came only when a present would be expected.
As Things Start to Be Revealed…
She kept believing these lies until one day, her dad became terminally ill. When she lost her dad, she knew her life was forever changed. She thought it was only because it was such a big loss to her. She loved him dearly, cared for him when he was sick and he passed away in her arms.
She had no idea all the "little things” that would keep unraveling.
The Defining Moment…
It took many years and many disappointments to finally see the truth.
She was downsized from her job. It was a stressful time. She looked to see who was there to help her, what a big surprise when she realized she was in this alone.
We worked together to assess her situation and create a step by step solid, realistic plan to move forward. We worked together to help keep her on track and accountable to achieve her goals. She was truly a rock star! Not only did she achieve her goals and survive, but eventually thrive.
Out of such great loss came great realizations. This was the beginning of her new life.
The blinders were finally off.
She now knew her true value and her ability to accomplish anything she put her mind to.
She no longer makes excuses for others.
Once you see the truth in one thing, you can't help but see the truth in everything.
Do you want so much to fit in that you agree with everyone on every issue?
Do you try so much not to stand out that you blend into the wallpaper?
Is that really where you want to be?
Welcome to the world of the “People Pleasers.”
A place where everyone's happy EXCEPT you.
Why is everyone happy but you?
Secretly you’re angry, frustrated, miserable and isolated?
Why is it that people don't understand your needs when you are constantly looking after theirs?
Take note, people pleasing can be hazardous to your well-being.
Are you a People Pleaser?
Take this test:
On the surface you seem peaceful and easy-going. The kind of friendly person we can rely on to pick us up from the airport at midnight, plan our birthday parties, babysit our homes and animals and call for all our little favors.
But beneath that calm and peaceful exterior there's someone a little more edgy. Someone who is plagued with self-doubt, who is living in fear, feels suppressed, feels isolated and alone and who doesn't like themselves very much at all, despite their "nice guy" persona. You certainly aren't your own best friend.
Given that you say or do the "right thing" to please others, is it any wonder then that most people don't really know you?
Sadly, it is common for “People Pleasers” to harbor the destructive belief that deep down they are not good enough, that they may be unlikable or worst still, feel unlovable...or do you have other reasons for keeping peace like some complicated family dynamic?
Whatever your reason is, it’s no wonder your over-compensating seems a good way to cover up this devastating and entirely unfounded fear.
Have you ever played down a success of yours in order to not offend or to be "liked"?
You know deep down that diminishing your own accomplishments
to make other people’s lack of success more comfortable to them is not good for anyone and it’s so exhausting!
Here are some thoughts to start considering -
Stop trying to please others and start trying to please YOURSELF:
It's OK to be you.
Enjoy yourself. Others who share your interests will follow.
The opposite of being a People Pleaser isn't being an arrogant bully.
Rest assured, you will never reach this status. Aim for quietly assertive.
Being the “authentic” you in all relationships, honors who you are and keeps your integrity in tact - your needs and emotions will make you more not less attractive to others. You owe it to yourself to step up and show the world who you truly are.
When you do, you'll find you'll develop a fan club that want to honor and please YOU!
How great would that be?
If you are still struggling, SCHEDULE A 30-minute Sunny Life Coach Trial session and see how you can stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself!
Kathleen Tucka is an accomplished award winning Life, Career, Business Coach and Personal Advocate.